Bigla ko lang naramdamang subukan ulit ang magblog. Curious kasi ako (at sa marami pang bagay). So to start things off, by way of a personal tradition na actually isang jinx ata, I’ll start this one with:
Out the house
To resist melancholy you would not want to ride on buses these nights. Around midnight, particularly, avoid the most. Do not sit near the windows, there’s the wind of a free highway, the constellations of distant lamps and windows to remind you of a city minus its daylight smog and toothed skyline. No use to lay wishes on them, being mirrored by a horizon only eager for symmetry, a balance of stars. The sultry night carves its own mirage.
The easiest way is to sleep through this escape from home. But the rattling of loose windows, rasping of old engine are the drone of waves one would expect lapping a long shore. It’d be better actually to keep the eyes closed, but there is something, something silent in the timid lights of naked bulbs, wires wrapped loose in electric tape, their unassuming capacity for a sunset their own.
Perhaps this is the best time to hawk out what’s clogging our throats out into the running asphalt we leave behind with guarantee. I’ve got this thick one, see. Then, consider how simple and virtuous it is to lean your face on the corroded windows, its kind of soot-blackened coldness to ease fever. And the wind, it keeps stroking this side of your face.
If I slump back against the cracked upholstery, someone would eye the bay formed between my legs. It was such wholeness I cannot meet, I would only keep to the road outside and the low light. If his dent in the seat inches closer.
No, I do not want to feel his strange hands now brushing at the mouth of my pocket, my hands shrinking pale into hard fists. But there’s that―that in severance I could believe abandonment is a virtue. Inside my pockets are holes to hold no change. Tonight one waxes to fullness inviting the rise of tides but the exit would still be twenty minutes away as high above, earth light peels through the atmosphere, and here below, we say the stars twinkle.