Pag-uwi ng kaibigan/housemate ko (si N.) kagabi galing sa party niya, napakwento bigla. Kasi nagtapat na daw personally yung kaibigan niya (si J.). Actually, bago nito, nagselos kasi si J nang biglang malamang may nililigawan na babae ulit ang kaibigan kong si N, months after ng breakup with a long-time girlfriend . Nagtampo si J at hindi kinibo si N for some time, nagparinig pa nga ata sa fb.
Gwapo talaga si N, lapitin talaga yun ng mga tulad natin sobra (pero kaibigan lang talaga tingin ko sa kanya). Eto namang si J, siguro dahil parehas sila ng interes at magkatrabaho pa sila, hindi naiwasang mahulog kay sa kaibigan kong si N. Hirap nun, feelings ay feelings, hindi mo sinasadya, pero naiisip ko parang kasalanan din ni N kasi alam naman yang straight si N, bakit binibigyan niya ang sarili ng false hope. Tapos inaaya pa ni J ang kaibigan kong si N na mag-Cambodia nang silang dalawa lang. Tapos kagabi sinabi din niya pagdating daw ng panahon, baka si N naman ang maghanap. Parang may mali yata dun, parang self-delusion.
Sometimes I ask if homosexual desire is inevitably bound to situations like these. Ang ideal na relationship ba talaga natin ay with a straight guy? Inaapproximate lang ba natin itong ideal na 'to by entering into a relationship with another gay guy?
Nanonood kasi ako ng "The History Boys" na may homosexual theme (muntik pa akong maluha sa isang scene) nang datnan ako ni N kagabi. Di alam ni N na gay ako, hindi ko pa nga rin alam kung paano ko ba sasabihin sa set of friends namin.
Paano natapos ang usapan namin? Napablurt-out sya bigla ng, bakit kasi ang daming bading sa literature?
Sa sobrang talab ata sakin (ang lungkot kasi nung movie na yun, ang ganda-ganda rin), naFreudian-slip ako nang di oras. Nasagot ko sya bigla ng hindi nag-iisip, SORRY NAMAN! In the most defensive tone that even I surprised myself.
Alam na.
hala! alam na. tsk tsk. e anong nangyari after?
ReplyDeleteopinion ko sa ideal love ng homo e siguro nga straight guy but we all know that this will just be a fantasy.
but sometimes kung hindi man makakita ng straight, at least straight acting at hindi halata.
btw tol, i recommend ulit to follow others blog para magkaroon karin ng followers. basta follow mo lang yung gusto mong ifollow at yung interested ka sa blog nila para at least lumawak network mo. :)
depende naman yun sa preference ng tao.
wala actually, normal lang. it's either naintindihan nya and he's totally cool with it or kunwari na lang wala syang narinig. But I've been dropping him hints lately, so hopefully the former.
ReplyDeleteI'm not comfortable with the term straigh-acting, discreet, etc. but maybe on a later post na lang hehe. Moving on, talaga, that's how you feel. Wow, di ka ba nadedepress dun? As if gay-to-gay relationship is inherently dysfunctional.
thanks sa pag-aalalay sa amateur blogger like me Kyle.
hindi ko rin masabi because hindi pa ako nakakaexperience ng relationship with the same sex. observation ko lang to but I admit na may mali dito sa sinabi ko kung icocompare sa perception ng ibang tao but this is just my opinion. and i don't want to argue with that.
ReplyDeletei think there are gay couples out there na nagtatagal. and the relationship they have is just almost the same as straight relationships. kung open lang ang community natin about this then magiging normal lang yan sa paningin ng tao.
nadedepress? hindi na siguro kasi i'm still hopeful na balang araw darating din ang para sa akin, maging sino man siya. :)
I'm not disagreeing or agreeing kyle, I'm just saying na if we accept that assumption, parang this is a possible consequence. although yun nga, parang malungkot. I mean society aside (teka, ang hirap ata nun), for example, may notion tayo ng the right person (mala-Neo, the One), is that person-idea a straight guy if we take it na he's the object of homosexual desire?
ReplyDeleteand if yes, gaya ng nasabi nating dalawa, so concession na lang with reality ang relationship between 2 gay guys?
ayun lang, I think, most of us would want a No answer to that. Kasi sakit naman nun sa loob, pakamatay na lang tayo haha. Iniisip ko na lang siguro love transcends that issue.
good luck sa'tin! walang bang samahan ng mga no boyfriend since birth ahaha.
salamat sa pagfollow sa blog ko.. wahehhe... wala akong macomment eh.. pero salamat talaga...
ReplyDeletehahahaha ewan ko lang. wala pa akong nasasalubong na link na ganon dito.wahahaha
ReplyDelete@Kiko, salamat din sa pagfollow mate!
ReplyDelete(sorry, kakanood ko lang kasi ng movie na overdose british accent)
@kyle, sasabihan kita pag nakakita ako. Sineryoso, WTF? hahahah
I think mahirap yata ang magsabi kung inevitable nga ang ganitong klase ng sitwasyon. Pero siguro tama ang sabi nila na depende sa kanya-kanya pa rin nating preferences.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I ask if homosexual desire is inevitably bound to situations like these. Ang ideal na relationship ba talaga natin ay with a straight guy? Inaapproximate lang ba natin itong ideal na 'to by entering into a relationship with another gay guy?
ReplyDeleteThat used to be my ideal relationship, with a straight guy, and our domestic cohabitation worked wonderful for five years until something happened to straighten things out. We broke up just recently. All the time I was with him, I really believed I will influence this darling punk to step to the pink light, and he was showing it too. And I am, with truth to the letter, sincerely okay with that happening. I suppose that answers your second question.
So that's how you use the phrase Freudian slip. I just added you to my roll.
Cheers Aleph, Mabuhay Ka! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!
Victor, yeah, I was lucky enough to ask some people the same question. Right now I think, or want to, na it's a combo of preference and circumstance. Baka nga even for just one person, over time it might change, or revert, or not matter at all, or dance (ha?!?)
ReplyDeleteMomel, thanks for the blogroll add! Wow 5 years is a long time. As in "domestic cohabitation", wasak. Well, :-( hindi pa naman nangyayari sa'kin yan, pero I know it must be tough as hell.
Mabuhay! rin, yun na lang ang masasabi ko. Cause Life, ganun talaga, parang bato...
kailangang lunukin para maging malakas. ahahaha
alam talaga. lol.
ReplyDeleteinevitably bound? hindi naman. i think we just sometimes find too much of what we're looking for in people we can't have. sometimes lang. and it happens to everyone, gay or straight.
In fairness kay N., hindi nya nahalata yun. Nalaman ko dahil nagconfess na rin ako sa kanya. Nagising nga bigla eh napayosi kami ng matagal sa kalsada nang madaling araw. Mahal ko 'tong kaibigan ko na'to, grabe. Wala akong mahihingi pa sa pagtanggap niya.
ReplyDeleteEx Jason, I agree. that's one way to look at it noh, even straight people do it.